i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
