Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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