So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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