Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
