And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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