So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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