I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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