She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
