I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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