just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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