I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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