Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
