I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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