hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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