no, he came in my armpit
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
