I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
