he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
