i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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