my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
