my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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