I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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