there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Then you guys just all showered together...?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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