People in love make me want to vomit
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
