Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
