he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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