Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
