Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Church boner. Awkwardddd
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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