I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
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Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize