But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
