Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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