Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
