after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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