How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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