During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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