it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
