just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize