White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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