You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
