well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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