i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize