I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
