there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.