he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.