Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat