oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial