i barfeds in our rink
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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