The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.