My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence