But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish you could order shots online.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
