Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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