i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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