We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
