FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize