It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
