I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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