you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
