Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
