At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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