If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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