i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Houston, we have a squirter
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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