y did u give ur computer a hand job?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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