They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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