he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
