Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize